Man today was…Strange.

I first woke up at 3, waking from a Handcam-Style Nightmare involving this fella (That’s What I Get For Watching Phoenix Jones Vids Before I Slept). Spent 3-5 Hours going over my Following List to transfer some of them to the SFW.

Felt a Grand Sense of Accomplishment having done it. But also a bit of Melancholy at how I’ve closed myself off a bit on here. Seeing names I haven’t talked to in a bit, and even a few abandoned accounts. Then slept from 11 am to 7 PM!

I talked about it with my Mom a while ago; but the combination of 2020’s Chaos, the Loss of my Grandfather and my Childhood Dog from 2021-22, and the slightly increased severity of my Condition. My Work Drive in Real Life and in my Art, while Bolstered by this, was Fatalistic.

Then I spent November 2022-Spring of 2023 trying to maintain sanity while getting things done and trying to learn more about the World through all the Confusion. And Venting. You see since 2013 I basically went through increasingly Harder Stuff each year.

Leading to me dropping out of High School when I felt at an Emotional Breaking Point in 2016-17. It was a very Healthy but Difficult Decision. I felt like I abandoned my Clan. I think that’s why I got as Enthusiastic as a Puppy when first talking to others when I started Art.

Despite everything, I missed people. Not like I never went out or visited people either, but even before I dropped out I have been on a Very Similar Grind. For 9 Years now, honestly more if I count all the Study through Experience in my Youth.

In November 2022, when I bled my Heart all over this page. I basically experienced what I’m learning is “Revictimization”. And tried to fully purge all of that Hate and Negativity. At least the Excess. I only felt I succeeded in October last year.

It’s gone back to the Weight of the World invigorating me to do what I can for people while enjoying Life. Instead of suffocating me. On here especially I see people older than me still struggling with feelings I did when I was Young. It Hurts. My First Instinct is to Help.

That’s how I’ve met many of you who Follow me. But I’ve learned that some stranger swooping in won’t always help, and has even set up for some of the Harshest Fights I’ve been in on here. I never had an Internet Argument ‘til 2022. But I became Hungry for Meaningless Conflict.

This year is looking to be Hard. I don’t want to spend another Decade filled with Bitterness. Or trying in Vain to Fight It. Or even with Deep Philosophical Wankery like this. I wanted to save all of this for the 5th Year Review but it feels better now.

I’m feeling Inner Peace again but seeing a World and a People drowning in Misery and Conflict. It hurts and I want to do what I can to help without Grandstanding. But I’m also just a guy trying to Live Life and meet his Goals while being there for Family. I can’t make promises.

But I’ll try to make my Time here worthwhile. Online and in Real Life, to spend the rest of my Able-Bodied Years Fighting for the Enjoyment of Life. And trying to attain as much Understanding as I can. Sorry for being so serious (Ha), just been thinking a lot, about a lot.