Man today was…Strange.

I first woke up at 3, waking from a Handcam-Style Nightmare involving this fella (That’s What I Get For Watching Phoenix Jones Vids Before I Slept). Spent 3-5 Hours going over my Following List to transfer some of them to the SFW.

Felt a Grand Sense of Accomplishment having done it. But also a bit of Melancholy at how I’ve closed myself off a bit on here. Seeing names I haven’t talked to in a bit, and even a few abandoned accounts. Then slept from 11 am to 7 PM!

I talked about it with my Mom a while ago; but the combination of 2020’s Chaos, the Loss of my Grandfather and my Childhood Dog from 2021-22, and the slightly increased severity of my Condition. My Work Drive in Real Life and in my Art, while Bolstered by this, was Fatalistic.

Then I spent November 2022-Spring of 2023 trying to maintain sanity while getting things done and trying to learn more about the World through all the Confusion. And Venting. You see since 2013 I basically went through increasingly Harder Stuff each year.

Leading to me dropping out of High School when I felt at an Emotional Breaking Point in 2016-17. It was a very Healthy but Difficult Decision. I felt like I abandoned my Clan. I think that’s why I got as Enthusiastic as a Puppy when first talking to others when I started Art.

Despite everything, I missed people. Not like I never went out or visited people either, but even before I dropped out I have been on a Very Similar Grind. For 9 Years now, honestly more if I count all the Study through Experience in my Youth.

In November 2022, when I bled my Heart all over this page. I basically experienced what I’m learning is “Revictimization”. And tried to fully purge all of that Hate and Negativity. At least the Excess. I only felt I succeeded in October last year.

It’s gone back to the Weight of the World invigorating me to do what I can for people while enjoying Life. Instead of suffocating me. On here especially I see people older than me still struggling with feelings I did when I was Young. It Hurts. My First Instinct is to Help.

That’s how I’ve met many of you who Follow me. But I’ve learned that some stranger swooping in won’t always help, and has even set up for some of the Harshest Fights I’ve been in on here. I never had an Internet Argument ‘til 2022. But I became Hungry for Meaningless Conflict.

This year is looking to be Hard. I don’t want to spend another Decade filled with Bitterness. Or trying in Vain to Fight It. Or even with Deep Philosophical Wankery like this. I wanted to save all of this for the 5th Year Review but it feels better now.

I’m feeling Inner Peace again but seeing a World and a People drowning in Misery and Conflict. It hurts and I want to do what I can to help without Grandstanding. But I’m also just a guy trying to Live Life and meet his Goals while being there for Family. I can’t make promises.

But I’ll try to make my Time here worthwhile. Online and in Real Life, to spend the rest of my Able-Bodied Years Fighting for the Enjoyment of Life. And trying to attain as much Understanding as I can. Sorry for being so serious (Ha), just been thinking a lot, about a lot.

Apologies if this is Redundant, but priorities shift, things got done, and this’ll keep me to Task:

• Complete Art Explosion
• Make a Concise, New Pinned Tweet
• Create Any Art Pages I Think I’ll Need
• Check Out People’s Streams
• Widen Artistic Scope
• Write More
• Learn VTuber Rigging
• Make A Rig, Either PNG or Model
• Start Streaming
• Make Demo Reels & Do Voicework
• Figure Out Comms/Monetization
• Keep/Get Back In Touch With People

All this while getting IRL Obligations done, including spending more time with IRL Friends and Family. And keeping my Workaholism and Mental Stability in check. May not get everything done but I’m gonna try.

Firstly I'd like to share what I'm Planning/Working on this Year again so those interested don't gotta dig through Posts/Tweets.

• Making Multiple Art Accounts, some focused on SFW. Some NSFW, some Main Accounts like this where it's anything goes. I've already made a DeviantArt, a Substack, a Pixiv, and some more. Plan to make Art-Only Accounts for NG, DA, Twitter, and more.
• Getting the Art Explosion done. This will be especially good for my DeviantArt and other Art Accounts I make since I've only put a bit of my Art Gallery here on those. A few more Illustrations and I'll feel like I got enough. Uploading all at once so prepare.
• Broaden my Arts and Subjects. I'm learning how to use RPG Maker, Blender, Audacity and more. Also practicing Music again and Writing more. Gonna have a Wide Variety of Subjects, from Innocent to Extreme. Cartoony to Realistic Stylization.
• Streaming. Gonna learn VTuber Modeling, Rigging and the like and start streaming (Hopefully) within the Year.
• Getting Paid. Been talking directly to Patreon Support for some questions I had and it seems much less complicated than I imagined. Thought I got my First Paid Gigs on DA but those are most likely Scams. Looking for any jobs a Cripple can get without messing with my Disability Pay. Shit's how I've been paying off the place I got in 2020, and I've been working my Ass off on it and my Parents' since. I can do physical labor, on Good Days. But that's enough of that.
• Becoming a Newgrounds Supporter and exploring the site more. I have a very bad Habit of just sticking to the Art Portal when this place has been Bursting with Art longer than I've been Alive. It Deserves to be seen.
• Just interacting with peeps again.

And secondly, a Playlist to keep Spirits up in what's most likely going to be an Insane Year:

• Come Out ye Black and Tans (Irish Rebel Song) ((Many Irish Rebel Songs/Sea Shanties Right Now Honestly))
• I'm Back (To Rise) by Mick Gordon and Omega Sparx
• All I Can Do by Naoki Hashimoto and Daisuke Ishiwatari
• Extras by Daisuke Ishiwatari and Molly Daisy Scarpine (Pretty Much The Entire GG Strive OST, I'm Smitten)
• Barrel of a Gun by Little V and Black Pestilence
• Dragon of Sparda's Mixes on YouTube
• I Am Vengeance by Mega Ran and Gr3ysOn
• Okumura Music Group's Entire Discography. I'm Not Joking
• Gorillaz's Entire Discography
• SUPERWHAT by MF DOOM and Czarface
• R.N.D.M by Mega Ran
• BBTAG's Mixes of Ruby, Weiss, Blake, and Yang's Themes
• Vs. Sayu by James Landino and Nikki Simmons
• [lofi villain] by D Begun
• Memories of Tokyo-To and Sounds of Tokyo-To Future by 2 Mello (BRC Fans Might Recognize Some Tunes)
• What Do You Fight For? by Naoki Hashimoto and Daisuke Ishiwatari
• I Got Next by Mega Ran and Zaid Tabani
• This Fffire and Take Me Out by Fran Ferdinad
• Let You Down by Dawid Podsiadlo
• Reinvent the Game by Randy Marx, GRP, and Yoshiya Terayama
• Not on the Sidelines by Rocco808, Randy Marx, GRP, and Yoshiya Terayama
• Platina Jazz's Covers
• Sapphire's Covers
• The 8 Bit Big Band's Covers
• Old School Country Greats
• GaMetal's Covers
• 2 Minutes Notice by Sam Haft
• Welcome to the Internet (Alastor's Version) by Caleb Hayes

And Honestly Much Much More I Could List. Might add more suggestions in the comments if anyone's Interested.

Good Luck, Stay Safe, Tag Walls, Punch Fascists.

If You Need To Know What I'm Up To, Read The Posts Before This. I'll Potentially Be Gone A While.

A Small Gift From Me, To Leave Things Off On A Happier Note

• A Cooking Soul Christmas Mix by CHILLAF on YouTube
• Extras (Elphelt Valentine's Theme) by Daisuke Ishiwatari and Molly Daisy Scarpine
• VS. Sayu by James Landino and Nikki Simmons (Many Versions Including A Straight-Up Christmas Mix)
• All of Little V's Christmas Mixes
• Christmas Cypher by I Am Jemboy and Wobble
• Dax's Christmas Tunes
• HOLIDAY by Lil Nas X
• All I Really Want For Christmas by Lil Jon
• And Any Other Holiday Classic, Modern or Vintage, you can think of.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and Have a Happy New Year. Have Fun, and Stay Safe out there.

This is just a quick, bullet-point List of stuff I've been doing and stuff I'd like to get done. Just a Quick-Fire-Type Deal, no longwinded explanations.

What I've Been Doing

Going Outside More. Swimming, Taking Walks/Drives, Having Fires Outside, Gardening, Chopping Wood, People/Creature Watching, etc.

Practicing More Self-Care. Cooking Meals, Playing with My Style, Training and Exercising. And remembering to Actually Relax once in a while.

Catching Up On Newer and Older Media. Some bein' playing my PS2 (A Ton Of Jak II In Particular Right Now), trying the updates in Sonic Frontiers, Street Fighter 6, playing DbD again. Watching Hellraiser 3 & 4. Scott Pilgrim Takes Over. Digital Circus. LOVEWEB. A Ton.

Studying History, both of Creative Endeavors and various aspects of Life/Culture, to build Inspiration and Understanding.

Talking about more of this with my Family. Helps me out, helps them understand some of the more Esoteric Worries I usually try to deal with on my own. And I Vent to ya'll less. A Win-Win-Win.

Went to a Hotel near an Ocean around my BDay. Absolutely Incredible.

Went to a Hank Williams Jr. Concert with my Dad. A Ton of Fun, caught a Concert Bug and have been watching Live Performance Uploads of various Artists more.

Went to a Con born from my Home State with my Sis and had a Ton of Fun. Went to a panel with the Director, Executive Producer, and Star Villain of Terrifier 2 which was So Damn Cool.

Spent a lot of time really reflecting, without trying to Hyper-Accelerate it by being on my Art Socials like what ended up happenin'.

Schemin', Dreamin', and Drawin' like Tomorrow doesn't Exist. Both on Creative and IRL Stuff.

Getting a New Phone, and all the BS that can bring.

Taking care of my Animals, Home, Family, and Self more.

And More.

What I'm Working On

Getting my Tech sorted, and making space for it.

Making Studio Spaces in my Homes.

Home Maintenance

Learning to Code, use various programs and coding languages, and getting Game Creation Software (Even More Consumer-Grade Stuff Like dreams)

Relearning to Drive/Gettin' my License

Making Space for various things/appliances in my Homes.

Fixing my Mental. Working Out. And Resharpening my Martial Arts/Marksmanship.

Relearning Measurements and Currency Conversion from U.S.-International

Trying to study Politics without losing my mind. Can be done, but not Easily.

Finishing a bunch of Art for the Art Explosion.

And a bunch of other stuff I both have and haven't already mentioned.

So yeah, if you want a more specific view into what I've been up to: there ya go. This will be the Last Major News Post 'til the Midpoint of Next Year, so like around September-Late August. I may do a bit of Lurking here and on Twitter; especially when I'm making New Web Pages/Art Accounts. But I still want to keep my Distance so I don't fall into the same Toxic Patterns I caught myself in. I'm Hoping Half-a-Year more will be enough. Anyway I'll keep in touch if needed, and if this is the Last I see of ya this Year. Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and a Happy New Year to ya Reader. Stay Safe, Stay Godlike.

'Sup folks, just wanted to give a Status Report before the year's out. I'll keep it short.

First off I'm feeling much better. Well that might be a bit overstated. But I'm feeling back to normal after a year+ of being Super Emotionally Volatile.

Second, my Phone's still outta the picture for now. Got a new one but I'm waiting on Apple to realize it's me (Screwed Up My Password).

And last for now, while there's a ton of people here and on Twitter I miss talking to and I miss posting/reviewing Art; I still need Time.

I don't want to hop back on 'cause I'm feeling better and make the same f**k ups. It's better for me and anyone interested in me or my work that I take more time for Healing and IRL Priorities. I'll lurk a bit, but won't dedicate a buncha time 'til the Mid-Point of 2024

To wrap this up: Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and a Happy New Year Reader. This Year was Insane. But among all the Heartache there was a lot of Good too. Don't be blind, but don't forget to enjoy stuff when you have a chance.

Not dead, and feeling much better; but with more stuff dropping on my plate. As per usual it seems.

I'll write something a Li'l more substantial later, but I'm not truly returning 'til next year. I got some stuff I'd like to do then though. Nothing Dramatic.

Just some shifts in plans and stuff.

Hope Life's Been Kind To You. or at least you've been rolling with it's punches. Later for now

This Account is on Hiatus for the rest of 2023 to potentially a Full Year for reasons repeated to a tiresome amount throughout. Hope to return as less of a drain on both Followers and any of the Budding Friendships I got.

Hell I’m only writing this as a notice ‘til my return.

While gone I plan to get a lot of Work done while I rebuild my Mojo. If it goes well enough I might even return early. I need to get back to work and a more positive attitude while still being Honest and Edgy. For my Followers, Budding Friendships, and myself.

Not gonna lie. While so far this has been good for my productivity and mental. I already really miss talking to a lotta people both on here and Newgrounds. It’s always been one of my Favorite Parts about all of this.

Later People

To start things off, I just wanted to get this out of the way now. Because I’ve already labeled too many posts as the “Last One” and a Pseudo 4 Year Review.

But i honestly need to do one more reflection on this year in my Life and Career before my BDay.

This Year was one step forward, two back in a lot of ways. It’s not hard to notice if you’ve read these. I’ve been making a lot of steps to improve the pitfalls I’ve had. But I’ve also gotten into some pointless arguments. One where even if I was arguing against the same Pedojacket Shit they were being labeled as, I impulsively and defensively used my SA Trauma in a selfish way. Not like my breakdown in November. I’m not going down that road, especially not after how the SuperMega Shit turned out. Another thing too. I’ve said it before but now I’m REALLY sticking to it: I’ll talk about whatever’s on my mind and News Topic-Type Shit. But especially after a lot of the Stories I’ve talked on this year, I’m straying away from talking about more Interpersonal Dramas unless I really feel the need to say something. That’s not to say I won’t share any supportive comments anymore either, but for One I do want to let people have space, and Two I have gotten a bit too used to commenting on personal hurts people have because I’ve felt them too. It’s led to some fun connections and I definitely still want to reach out and have fun on here while talking shop and getting my own work done. As well as the Art Analysis I did back when I first started. But I definitely need to do better next year about how I use my Socials compared to this.

I’ve made a lot of progress setting up how I want to do things going forward, and have been working on Art still while doing IRL Stuff as well. And I plan to compile all the Non-Informative (Or Writing) NG Posts into a Chronological Document so this place will be cleaned up a bit. I might make that a Habit every few years from now on.

I still got to fix my phone screen, but I’m going to extend my break to extend my Hiatus for possibly the rest of the year. I wanted to be done by Halloween. But I’m not sure, if my Head is doing good around my Birthday I may even stick to that. But I do want to have a lot of Art to show for my absence, and also to get more IRL Shit done. But despite the Slow Improvement I’ve been in the Cycle for way too long now.

So stay safe out there people, but don’t forget to take some time too If I am feeling better I might start lingering around a bit again. But I need some solid time away from this while I get it together.

21 days until I turn 24.

Also a day or two from being in this Indie Art Shit Four Years.

I’m still working on stuff, while trying to keep motivated and not get lazy, with Creative and Practical Obligations. Been finding a lot of Comfort in watching Shit like South Park lately.

If you haven’t yet I highly encourage you to watch the 25th Anniversary Concert, especially after rewatching the Movie it really soothes the Soul man. Think I’ll do a post recommending some of my Favorite Shit I’ve experienced this year.

I’ll see ya’ll when I see ya.