Five Years! Five Incredible, Terrible, Long and Short Years!
This probably won’t be as long as the others, but I’ll add links to them and some other News Posts I feel are worth putting here for comparison. But this year has been the actual Turnaround I kept thinking other times were in the past. Not only have I been much more productive both in my Art and Everyday Life. Not just busy but productive. But I’ve felt “Alright” for the first time in a Long Time. The 2020’s have been the Best and Worst years of my Life. I’ve had a lot of Fun, a lot of Anger, and a lot of Heartache in these 5 years. I feel at a more stable version of my Teenage Mindset, which is usually a Good Thing getting towards 25 years old. Been making friends, reconnecting with Old Friends IRL. Getting things I thought would take ages done very fast. And have been learning to enjoy Life and People again despite this year especially having the potential to be just as bad if not worse than the Low Points in 2021-2023.
The Internet has changed a lot in this Time, such as the World. But at the same time things haven’t really. It just feels Hyper-Accelerated nowadays. I’ve learned just how Kind people can be as well as just how Evil. I’ve always been a blend of Hypersexual Edgelord and Hypersensitive Bleeding Heart. And I’ve been using my Art to explore that dichotomy. I’m a guy who went through some of the Worst Shit one can go through before I was even 18. Losing Loved Ones, Suffering A Disease That Can Be As Invisible As It Can Devastating, Having A Series Of Strokes And Seizures In 2015, Being Sexually Abused Very Young, And Trying Not To Ignore How Scary The World Is Without Drowning In It. In 2019 the Allegations against Vic Mignogna (Which To My Knowledge Are False) got me scared to work in the Dub Industry. Then in 2020 so much shit happened that nearly killed me quite honestly. The Smash Scandals. The Skullgirls Scandals. Activision Blizzard. The EVO guy. The George Floyd Murder. The Riots. COVID. And my Final Grandfather dying.
It was all almost too much.
Since then, I’ve been up and down, Emotionally Volatile and Exhausted, and Isolative. But I’ve also tried my Best not to remain stagnant. Especially since I got a new house (Trailer) in 2020 as well. Been working my Ass off damn near Everyday since. I already had been since I dropped out of High School but I spent much more time alone and working. But it gave me an opportunity to plan for the Future as I spent more time actually participating in the Internet.
My Goals as an Artist are pretty simple in concept, increasingly complicated in Execution. I want to make whatever Art I want to make, share my Thoughts on others, and potentially help people out with their Lives if I can. Whether it’s exploration of Serious Topics. Catharsis through Art. Or just talking about and comparing Experiences. Even just making someone Smile makes the World a little bit better. And making a Living on my own terms sounds nice as well.
I’ve met and talked to so many people in these Years. Made some new friends. Starting cultivating a Following. And have been learning a lot about Humanity. I wish I could remember it all. And I’m sorry if I’ve ever made you feel Ignored. All this on top of Studying various subjects as well as dealing with the Worst Depression I’ve felt has made it all feel like One Long, Blurry Year.
Which is why I’m taking more time nowadays to just have Fun and get things done. I also want to spend more time on my Art Socials and Across the Web in general, as well as IRL. Reconnecting, meeting new people, gaining as many Experiences as possible. I’ve pretty much got the next Decade+ planned out, and most Goals I want to achieve set. It’s just a matter of getting them done while staying Healthy.
It’s been a Wild Ride. Unbareable at times. But I’m glad I’ve had it. I Hope to keep doing what I do but better until my body finally gives out on me. I wish ya Luck on your Journey, Reader. Hope you wish me Luck on mine.
P.S: Some of my recollection of events is muddied since I was handling so much shit. And I didn’t spend too much time really pouring over my presence Online this year before writing. Was also way too critical of myself at times in those Early Posts. It’s sad seeing how much of a Cycle I was caught in but at the same time that Early Enthusiasm is nice to see. Nice to know I’m feeling more Stable than I did before I even started this Journey nowadays. I was legitimately losing it at times, but Summer of Last Year felt like a Big Turning Point. I feel a Good Blend of Happiness, Cynicism, Drive, Caution, and Enthusiasm again. Feel like I did before I dropped out of School, except more Experienced and at Peace. Still got a lot to do, but I’ve been having days where I can truly Relax for the First Time in a Very Long Time. And I feel like it shows in both my Output and Presence this Year.
https://cyberneticshotokan.newgrounds.com/news/post/1420517
https://cyberneticshotokan.newgrounds.com/news/post/1419262
https://cyberneticshotokan.newgrounds.com/news/post/1384140
https://cyberneticshotokan.newgrounds.com/news/post/1344738
https://cyberneticshotokan.newgrounds.com/news/post/1302605
https://cyberneticshotokan.newgrounds.com/news/post/1299531
https://cyberneticshotokan.newgrounds.com/news/post/1291106
https://cyberneticshotokan.newgrounds.com/news/post/1234799
https://cyberneticshotokan.newgrounds.com/news/post/1233891
https://cyberneticshotokan.newgrounds.com/news/post/1224477
CyberneticShotokan
A lot of this is very Bleak-Sounding but I just want to reassure anyone reading this that I’m doing Good today. I maybe should’ve made this less concise than I did. Like I said I’m feeling at peace with the Bad and am appreciating all the Good. And I don’t bring up those controversies to start heated debate around them either, just stating their Impact on me during that Time. It’s been very difficult balancing Healthy Suspicion, Anger, Sadness, and remembering to appreciate the Good Things in these Years. Because there’s been quite a lot. And there’s been Times where I let my Emotions get the better of me badly. But from Summer of Last Year to now I genuinely feel better for an actual substantial amount of Time. Especially considering a lot of the stuff that has happened this Year has been harrowing as Hell. But I’m handling it much better than I had been. And there has been Awesome Stuff too. I don’t want to Diminish any of it. But I wanted to Focus on the contrast of coming to True Terms with a lot of things. Anyway I hope you have a Good One, or it Improves soon.